How to stop feeling easily offendedAugust 10, 2022 2022-08-10 11:57
How to stop feeling easily offended
Self-awareness, acceptance and healing
Some time ago, I wrote the blog Socrates’ advice on how to deal with insults. Socrates was one of the greatest philosophers of all time so when I came across the story of how he dealt with insults, I immediately thought that I should share it. This was because I thought it clearly showed how to stop feeling easily offended. He more or less said:
“When someone gives you something that you do not want, you don’t feel upset. You Just refuse to take it. Well, do the same with insults.”
Getting wiser as I’m getting older
I am not afraid to change my mind or to admit to making a mistake. Not that posting that story was a mistake. I strongly believed at the time that everyone would benefit from it. I felt this way because it is, in fact, very helpful and sound advice. Nevertheless, what I hadn’t considered at the time was that we can apply this advice only if we have done some work with ourselves first.
I realized, that to be able to apply Socrates’ advice, we need to follow these (not so) simple 3 steps.
Here’s a step by step guide on how to stop feeing offended
1. Develop self-awareness
First of all, you have to get to know yourself. You need to look into the darkest places of your being. As a result, you will see yourself for who you truly are; with all your virtues and vices.
When you know who you are and someone calls you something that you are not, you don’t get offended as what they are saying is simply not true. There is no doubt in your mind that they are mistaken. Consequently, it does not affect you in the very least.
If, on the other hand, what they are saying is true, why be upset? They are just stating a fact. You are the one who is being that way or who is doing that thing, aren’t you? There’s no need to be mad at the person who just brought it up is there?
If you are still mad or upset with them for stating the obvious, go to step 2.
2. Work on your self-acceptance
Now that you know yourself, it is time for you to accept yourself. It’s time to accept your good traits along with the bad. It is time to make peace with who you are at this particular time of your healing “journey”. This is the best you can do. If you could do any better, you would, wouldn’t you? Why do you have to beat yourself up about it and, at the same time, be upset at those who bring it up? Accept it! Own it! If someone doesn’t like it, too bad. Therefore, you don’t have to be offended, do you?
If, however, you feel uncomfortable with your way of being or with this behavior because it goes against your values and/or hurts other people, go to step 3; heal yourself so you can be a better person and/or behave in a better way.
3. Heal yourself
If you don’t like that fact about yourself or your behavior, work on changing them. Heal yourself. Only if you are self-aware and self-accepting can healing take place. You need to know what’s wrong and accept that it is wrong before you can change something.
Click on The four steps to successful and permanent behavioral change and on the The 5 steps to (Self-)Forgiveness – A simple guide to inner peace for guidance. Don’t hesitate to seek the help of a good friend, a mentor or a professional like a life coach or a councillor.
Healing is possible.
When you are healed, you have so much compassion for yourself and others that nothing can offend you. Whether you are completely healed or in the process of healing, feeling offended will be a thing of the past.