This week, I would like to share with you the testimony of a “bright” being who has just discovered and accepted her true nature. She has just started to actually LIVE and experience life with the same enthusiasm and curiosity as a child who sees a butterfly, smells a flower, meets a new friend, does everything for the first time. 

She dares to be brave; she dares to “taste” life as it is (sometimes sweet and pleasant, sometimes bitter and difficult) by fully accepting it without expectations either for herself or for others. She lowers her “shield” because she SEES what is, because she IS in the here and now, able to distinguish the past from the present.

Nadine starts LIVING!

It is in my nature to laugh, to have fun, to enjoy life, to seek well-being, to go after my dreams … BUT … I blame myself terribly when I feel sad, helpless or when I can’t control certain situations. I’ll be honest here. By saying controlling certain situations I mean controlling people so as to achieve my goals or to be happy whenever I please. When things don’t turn out the way I envisioned, I experience it as the end of the world…

I am a hard worker, …, my life is all about work and if I don’t work well, I feel useless, I feel I’m nothing, I don’t think I have any value …

I feel self-confident when I work well, … but in my emotional relationships, since there is no work to demonstrate, I don’t know how to be confident with myself, and, consequently, with others … so you guessed it, I prefer to live alone than to take the risk (or what I consider as a risk) of being rejected, ignored, judged, … yet I like to be surrounded with people, I love to exchange and discuss, I live to share … I crave other people’s company … but the fears are so deep and my defense systems are so powerful and well established that without my realizing it, the subconscious takes over and I fall to my own devices…

I don’t know how to thank Evdoxia enough for helping me to realize, little by little, who I am when I am in “defense” mode and how I have become more and more free and liberated from my “flaws”, my blockages and my limiting beliefs!

“I dare” to be weak, “I dare” to be imperfect, “I dare” to be “insignificant”. I have learned to accept that I can be judged and now it other people’s judgment doesn’t affect me deeply … I dare to do what I want to do, I dare to confess my most shameful fears, … I no longer run away from sadness or anger. I let them be I accept them as part of my hurt and disappointed being, … I “tame” them by being well-intentioned with all these parts in me that I repressed for so long … and as if by magic, I feel a peace in me, a serenity. I no longer need to “fight” in order to win or to struggle just to exist but I simply live and let myself be! I feel so light and relieved! In short, I am really learning to live with all the facets that there are in me, whether they are black, gray or white because fighting against myself to exist, trying to prove all the time that I am strong and brilliant is a waste of my energy… I understood that my energy is precious and that I need it to take care of myself, to accept life as it is; as it comes. I understood that everything that happens (even if it is not what I wanted to happen) is always beneficial for me. It all depends on my perspective and how I can use it to understand myself and the world, to become aware of my flaws, to surpass myself, grow, evolve or even achieve things I had never imagined that I would.

All the sessions I had with Evdoxia liberated me from all the things I didn’t want to experience or see. I learned to truly “be” as I am with my body, mind and soul. 

Now, when I feel annoyed or helpless, I no longer feel too sad, nor too angry, … I just tell myself that it is like that and I will know later why life decided that I had to go through it. But I am at peace and confident. What a relief, what a liberation!

Every problem has a solution and thanks to all the exchanges I had with Evdoxia, I was able to learn to see things in different ways and thus to be able to choose from several solutions … she is so generous in giving the necessary tools so that we can be autonomous in life.

Goodbye protective shields! Long live the real adventure of life with all its risks! If we don’t “taste” life, we won’t know what it “tastes” like.

With all my gratitude,

Nadine

Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash