Self-awareness in RelationshipsAugust 4, 2022 2022-08-04 16:07
Self-awareness in Relationships
Why mindfulness is essential in relationships
As we have seen so far, self-awareness helps us understand the world around us and also discover who we truly are and improve our quality of life. Believe it or not, self-awareness is key if we want to form and sustain healthy relationships.
It takes two…
If there are problems or when the relationship doesn’t work, some of us blame the other person in the relationship. We renounce any responsibility for what is going on or how we got ourselves into the situation. As a result, we see (and sometimes we portray ourselves to others) as victims. If this is the case, this behavior is indicative of lack of self-awareness.
Repeating unhealthy patterns
I have worked with quite a few people who keep forming relationships in which they are unhappy. They say that they are just unlucky in love. What they don’t see is that they are drawn to the same type of person or drama and they are completely unaware they do it. This is indicative that they lack self-awareness in their relationships
“Unlucky in love”
A very intelligent and successful lady contacted me as she needed help getting over a bad breakup. Or, to be more exact, a series of breakups from the same man. He consistently cheated on her, which she found humiliating, but couldn’t stay away from him for long because she said that, despite everything, he loved her. Whenever they were together, he was an exemplary boyfriend. What is more, after each indiscretion, we would win her over with a grand gesture.
The past catching up with us
As I was getting to know more about her session after session, it turned out that this cheater was the latest one of a series of cheaters. This was exactly the reason why she kept repeating to herself and to others that she was unlucky in love. She even admitted to me that some of the men she dated told her that they were unfaithful from the first date. Nevertheless, she would still go out with them. She thought that she would make them love her so much that they wouldn’t cheat on her. And when they did cheat, she thought that there was something wrong with her and she was not worthy of love.
It turned out that she had a very difficult childhood. Her father was a cheater as well. As a result, her mother had to deal with her own trauma as a disgraced, cheated wife. Her only focus was how to win her husband back. She was unavailable and at times harsh with her daughter. So, the daughter learnt two “lessons” that would define her adulthood:
- She and her feelings did not matter because…
- men are unfaithful and it is a woman’s job to try and keep a man no matter the consequences.
Self-awareness is not always easy to handle
The awareness she gained through our sessions helped this lady understand what was at the root of her problem. The process wasn’t and still is not easy. She went from denial to anger. She still has a long way to go to work her way to healing through acceptance.
Self-awareness can be very hard at times but it’s the only way if we want to break unhealthy patterns and form and sustain healthy relationships.
If you feel that you face the same problems in your relationships over and over again and you are ready for a change, contact me for an online complimentary session by clicking on the “Book now” link: